Disclaimer : Most of you who have read my earlier blogs Noise in my head and Affair with insomnia, would find this post on similar lines. Yeah, I know, it is dark and negative, but this is a state of mind!!
The noise in my head refuses to cease
Lying awake in the middle of the night,
I wonder what is wrong with me?
What is it that the Doc did not spot?
She said “You are fine”,
But I keep worrying all the time……
Could someone explain,
Because I just do not know..
Why is it always at night that my thoughts run a riot?
Anxiety creeps into my head and strangles my throat,
I try to fight, I fight to control it,
But it will just not go…
It was not supposed to be like this,
My mom did not warn me about this,
Hands under my head, I look at the darkened ceiling,
Wondering what is the truth and what is the lie,
What? Who? Why? So many questions,
High and dry, I gasp for breath,
my own shadow is strangling me,
I wish this anxiety wave will die…
I’m holding on to my past I can do nothing about,
I count my sins, drown in guilt and hide in fear,
I shut my eyes only to stare at the abyss,
My mind is confused wondering where to go,
just want to get out of this horror show..
I see the clock ticking away,
I think my mind is playing games inside,
I’m like this inside me, but look normal on the outside.